I woke up this morning knowing that I needed to get back on track. I have a wedding (hopefully) coming up in two weeks, and I have not been feeling great. I confirmed my suspicions when I took my measurements. Three months of not eating healthy or working out has definitely taken its toll on me. I was immediately discouraged since motivation does not come naturally to me. Others may thing, “Oh! I am gaining weight. It is time to eat healthy and get back to working out.” My natural instinct is to curl up in bed and act like there is nothing I can do to fix it. I went downstairs to ask my fiance if he had noticed that I had gained weight. *Loaded Question* He knows me way too well to fall for it though. He goes all around answering in every safe way possible until he finally admits he has noticed too. I did not blow up or get mad. I simply walked upstairs and started this blog. I should say simply. I still have no clue how this works or what I am doing. However, I remembered a conversation I had with my Beach Body coach a couple days prior. I told her that I do so well working out when I am in a group and have other people being held accountable too. When I was doing my last 30 day workout with her, I was in a group with several other women. We had to post pictures of our meals, sweaty selfies, and even do a live video on Facebook. Those elements of working out are what kept me going. So that is the purpose behind this post. Today marks day one of this journey. I do not know how long I intend to continue the journey, but everyone has to start (or restart) somewhere. Now, off to make breakfast, meal plan, and do a workout. Wish me luck!
Day Three was NOT my best day. I started off really well. I was up before 5 am to get Lochlan packed and ready to meet his dad in STL. I packed my lunchbox with two hard boiled eggs, apples, almonds, snacks for Lochlan, and made sure to have a jug of water with me. It took me six hours to get there and back, and I did fairly well. I did forget to eat carbs for breakfast, so I felt hungry during the trip. I may have eaten some of Lochlan’s Lucky Charms, but that was not where the bad part happened. Once I came home, Mike had to leave for work. So there I was . . . no kid . . . no Mike . . . just me and Netflix. I have seen things that have said, “Do not eat! You are bored. Not hungry. Get up and do something.” I should have listened. It is so rare to have the house to myself during a week day. And the weather was super crumby. So in typical Lauren style, I let my excuses get the best of me. Once I start of my downward spiral, I let it go all the way out of control. It starts with a handful of chips. Then the salt craving kicks into full gear, and I end up noshing on sweets to balance it out. My body hates me today. Even after two days of eating healthier, it hates what I did. It may have liked the fried ravioli I had while eating dinner, but I definitely paid the price this morning. It was not even 6 am, and I felt sick. My stomach was queasy, and I couldn’t sleep anymore. Mike was actually up because he could not sleep either. His was due to a terrible leg cramp waking him up though. I feel bad since he still has to work a 10 hour day. Ps- I would like to take this time out to thank his employers. Everyone else will be out of work a decent time today. No one will be there past 4 pm. Even the two other instructors/assistants he works with will be gone. One took the day off while the other will leave early. Mike will be there with whatever students show up until 9:30. They said he can leave an hour early tonight. How considerate of them. Every part of me wants to say something negative, complain, and wish ill upon those that get to spend time with their families while Mike and I are stuck here just the two of us, but I won’t. Other people I have talked to wished they could have a Thanksgiving just the two of them. I am a people person. It bothers me not to have my big family around joking and laughing. That is how memories are made. That is how Mike grew up making memories too. Weird how things change. Anyway, I have gotten so far past my point. Day Four is a new day. I am on the healthy breakfast track currently, and we will see where the day takes me. Good to know that I already got my grocery shopping done before 7 am though! That is a great start. Happy Wednesday!
Day Two is way worse than day one. I returned to work for the week and had my meals planned. I just so happened to forget my shakeology though. So, I stopped and picked up a protein bar from the store on the way to work. While it isn’t ideal, it was at least better than giving up just because of one meal which I have been known to do. I really had been doing well today considering it was a Monday until I found out that Mike and I will not be getting married in the next couple weeks. Due to other circumstances, our marriage license will lapse, and we will have to go get a new one. I am less than thrilled about this, but I am trying to see the positive in it. My sister is trying to stay positive for me as are a couple of my friends that I have told about the situation. Long story short, I wanted to give up. I made a comment about going a shoving my face with a burger because eating my feelings for the past 10 years has been how I handle stress. But a friend of mine told me to knock it off. Had she not said that, I do not think I would have made it home to make a healthy dinner. We had such a hectic night that I stopped to get Lochlan dinner at McDonald’s. I ate almonds I had stashed in my bag instead. I will admit that I have eaten a couple pieces of English toffee and piece of fudge tonight. It was not even my usual, “I deserve this.” I know I shouldn’t have, but I am just glad I didn’t over indulge considering all the craptastic food we have in the house. I just wish I didn’t have such a terrible relationship with food. I also wish I was self-motivating and had more willpower. I don’t know that I have ever had those things though. I don’t know how someone goes about obtaining them or even how they lose them if they did in fact once have them. I am disappointed in myself for not working out today, but glad that I at least stayed on track for the most part food-wise. Fitness is just part of this journey. Healthy eating and positive mindset play a bigger role than working out, or so I tell myself to feel less guilty. Tomorrow will be a whole new set of problems as I will be traveling and in the car for six hours. Hard boiled eggs? Check. Apples? Check. Almonds? Check. And lots of ice water……
State of Hanger 